


Whoops

by WrC



Series: HiJack Drabbles [8]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Dildos, M/M, Magic, Spirits, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrC/pseuds/WrC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 'Oh shit I didn't mean to teleport into your bed at 2 am i'm really sorry' scenario with Hiccup as a cranky, unfortunate victim and Jack as a bound spirit that actually has a job to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whoops

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by two magic au prompts (http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/post/133942666585/magic-aus-for-all-your-magic-au-needs).  
> My hand just slipped a little.

It had been a very, very long day, and Hiccup wanted nothing more than sweet, merciful sleep. Tomorrow probably wouldn’t be any better, he had a headache, and his leg was sore on the pressure points of his prosthetic. Really, a few more days like this and he would become a full-time, professional cripple. As soon as his grumpy head touched down on his pillow, he was off to the mystical land of dreams and happiness, something that was getting scarce in his daily life.

Only to be rudely disturbed by an unknown person landing on top of him.

He was awake instantly, but it took almost a full minute for him to process what was going on. Something heavy was laying on top of him. Said heavy thing seemed to move a bit, so it was alive. Then he had to mentally confirm he was actually in his own bed.

“What. The. Fuck.” He managed to produce.

“Ehm… whoops?” A hesitant voice responded.

“By Thor’s hammer get off me!” Hiccup moaned miserably. 

By now Hiccup had concluded two things. One, he was dreaming, and two, he didn’t like this dream one bit. Much too uncomfortable. No, he preferred the one where he was riding the back of a dragon, soaring through the sky…

“Oh god this is awkward”, the unknown person interrupted Hiccup’s thoughts. 

The brunet sat up and looked at the white-haired boy that was now standing next to his bed. He was wearing ragged jeans and a hoodie, and his hear was white as snow.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my dream?”

“You’re not dreaming, this is- OH WAIT yes you are dreaming. Totally.” The white-haired stranger shot him a beaming smile and turned on his heels towards the door.

“Hold on a second, that was just terrible acting. Besides, Toothless will get you if you leave that way. How did you get in here to begin with?”

“You’re dreaming”, the stranger responded. “Anything can happen.”

Annoyed, Hiccup continued to argue for a while on how stupid this dream was and why it didn’t make any sense while his dreams usually did. Eventually, he realized he was actually very much awake.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?”

“Unfortunately… not”, the stranger was forced to admit. “I’m Jack, and I’m terribly sorry to have bothered you. I’ll just be leaving now.”

“How on earth did you even get in here? The door? The window? What?”  
“Either of those possibilities would have made more sense than what actually happened, all right? So let’s just go with the window. Yeah, window sounds good.”

“Right. Tell me or I’ll call the dog.”

Hiccup could see the stranger was actually unnerved by this. Good thing he didn’t know ‘the dog’ was actually a cute Labrador that was more likely to cuddle him to death than anything else.

“Fine… I teleported into your bed.”

“Geez, you really need to work on your excuses. They’re awful.”

“No, really, I’m telling the truth!” the Jack defended himself. “I was supposed to go somewhere else completely, to help take care of a wild yeti appearance in an Alaskan town. But I may have messed up royally because I used a cheap-ass rune-stone. Never. Save. On. Rune-stones. Seriously, don’t.” He sighed at Hiccups bland look of disbelief.

“See? I knew you wouldn’t believe a word I say. No-one does. Normal people simply don’t comprehend, their brains can’t process it. You’ll forget about this eventually.” He wanted to leave for real now, but Hiccup grabbed his sleeve. The fabric was cold to his touch.

“You’re a mage or something?”

The boy hesitated. “I’ll go with ‘or something’.”

“Then what?”

“I’m a hired spirit.”

“Come again?” 

Jack sighed with fake annoyance. “Someone summoned me from my own realm and hired me to do a job for him. There’s no such thing as classic fantasy mages, by the way.”

“Oh. Dragons?”

“Those were once a thing, but not anymore, sorry.”

“If you have a job to do, why are you still here?”

“Because I already failed the contract and I have nothing better to do till the binding spell vanishes and I get sent back to my own realm.”

For a moment Hiccup just stared at him, wondering whether he believed any of this.

Then he said: “That’s the best ‘I have broken into your house to steal your shit but accidentally fucked up’ cover story I’ve ever heard. Congrats. Now sit tight while I call the cops.”

“What?! You looked like you believed me!”

Hiccup scoffed. “Yeah right, as if.”

“I’ll prove it! Ask anything and I’ll do it!”

Without missing a beat, Hiccup blurted out: “Give me a pink, six-foot dildo.” He said it very matter-of-factly as well, and should he think back on this later, he would be a bit proud of himself that he was able to say such a thing without bursting out in giggles.

However, he was in no way prepared for an actual six-foot dildo to appear out of thin air and flop down onto his bed. 

Hiccup couldn’t believe his eyes. So naturally, he picked it up. He lifted it, holding it at the base, and it flopped over, slapping onto the ground with a very silicone-meats-carpet-like sound. His ears instantly turned dark red.

“Oh. My. God. A six-foot silicone phallus.”

“Don’t you dare say fuck me sideways cause that isn’t going to fit and I don’t want to take you to the ER”, Jack commented with a huge grin. Looks like he got to enjoy this trip to the human world after all.

“Trust me, I have no desire to insert anything, let alone… this!” He gave a little shake and the thing flopped again. Jack couldn’t hold it in and started laughing uncontrollably. He clutched at his sides and practically fell on the ground from laughter.

“Ohihihi… oh… oh my god… you should see yourself.” He laughed even harder. “It looks so ridiculous!”

Hiccup looked to his left and saw himself in his big, bedroom mirror. It was a funny sight, and he couldn’t help but snigger. His smile faltered, however, when he realized what his dad might think if he saw this.

“Make it disappear again!”

“I can’t!” Jack said from his position on the floor. “I don’t have enough power left!” Then he continued laughing.

“You useless spirit! What am I supposed to do with this?!”  
“I don’t know! You asked for it!”

The brunet stared at the huge, plastic phallus in his hands.

“My dad’s going to kill me…”

Jack giggled a bit more, tried to composed himself, failed, laughed more, and finally quieted down when he saw Hiccup´s doom-and-gloom scowl. He got up and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Well, if you happen to survive your dad, draw this and put at least 1 kg of ice, some cool flowers, and your leg inside the circle to summon me.” He fished a note from his hoodie pocket and handed it to the other boy. “We’ll meet again.”

“You’re just going to disappear?”

“Sadly, yes”, Jack replied with a smile. “But do what the note says, and you’ll see me again if I’m not busy!”

“Can’t you take this-” another gesture and another flop “-with you?”

“Nope. I don’t know, call it modern art or something. I’ve seen weirder stuff in museums. Get a pedestal and spotlights and sell it for a million dollars! Anyway, my time is up!” He shrugged and gave Hiccup a final smile, before he disappeared as suddenly as he’d appeared. No pop, no whoosh, just gone.

All that was left, was a frustrated and confused Hiccup, and a six-foot, bright pink, extremely floppy dildo. 

Great.

 

 

 

You know… That stool could serve as a pedestal.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the leg in the circle totally wasn't necessary, Jack was just fucking with him.  
> 2nd fun fact: an alternate title I considered was 'flop flop motherfocker'
> 
> Also, the modern art joke is totally one adragonprince (tumblr) made. Credit where credit is due, even if it’s for ridiculous stuff xD
> 
> now I just need more ideas to put into more parts of this… this is a glorious universe indeed.


End file.
